You were singing in the dark. Whispering Your promise. Even when I could not hear. I was held in your arms, carried for a thousand miles to show, not for a moment did you forsake me.” Meredith Andrews
Looking back on my own healing journey, I can identify four distinct phases of healing from childhood sexual abuse.
Securing Yourself First
Preparing to Process
Processing the Trauma
Living in the New Normal
Last time, we talked about Securing Yourself First, and now, let’s dive into Preparing to Process.
In trauma recovery, we want to feel safe enough to feel activated and to know that's not going to mean something bad is happening. We want to develop our ability to let go of defensive states so that we can receive the care we need. We want to soften without collapsing. Relax without shutting down and settle into stillness without feeling stuck." Dr. Arielle Schwartz
Why Preparing to Process is Important
In functional medicine—the science of treating root causes instead of symptoms—you prepare the gut before you detox. Not preparing yourself to detox can be dangerous, as the released toxins can further overwhelm your body.
So, before you detox (process the trauma), you first Prepare to Process. So, how do you Prepare to Process?
As we discussed before, in Securing Yourself First, you will have already gained some feelings of safety by anchoring yourself in Christ. Now, in Preparing to Process, you’ll begin to move further into renewing your mind—or, as I like to call it, rewiring your mind.
As a child, the trauma you experienced imprints on your nervous system. Which naturally creates a destructive domino effect in all four dimensions of your being...
Biological (your physical body)
Psychological (your mind, emotions & personality)
Social (your relationships with others)
Spiritual (your relationship with God)
Unconsciously, you began to make decisions about what the sexual abuse meant. You started to identify yourself with the abuse (again, unconsciously). All of these changes cause massive shifts in how you think and feel.
The reason I call childhood sexual abuse premeditated attempted murder is because you were a child! You were still in the childhood development stage of life. As a child, you had a zero chance of being able to process the unthinkable nature of what was happening to you. So, whoever you were created to be got tragically interrupted.
And because you’re so vulnerable as a child, you can’t discern the true enemy. Therefore, more than likely, you decided the enemy was you… This is why Satan loves childhood sexual abuse. Because early in life, before you even have a chance to get going - unknowingly, unconsciously, innocently, you begin a war with yourself.
Unknowingly, unconsciously, completely innocent - you become a house divided - you against you. It’s like an autoimmune disease of the heart. The climate of the heart shifts - you against you. And here’s how it plays out over the years...this is how the brain works...
Your thoughts create your feelings, which determine your actions, which produce outcomes. However, because the collateral damage of the trauma you experienced causes the wounded mind to run the show of your life, you think wounded thoughts, which create wounded feelings, generating wounded actions, and creating wounded outcomes.
This is why it’s critical to begin recalibrating your heart by Securing Yourself First and then move into Preparing to Process.
3 Steps to Preparing to Process
So, you Prepare to Process by first determining where you are in the healing journey...
Suspicions—you suspect you were sexually abused as a child, but you don’t know for sure.
Memory Returning—block memories of the abuse are starting to surface.
Ready to Process—You are no longer in the suspicion or memory returning stage; you are now ready to step into the next stage of processing the trauma.
In the second step of Preparing to Process, you catalog all the ways the abuse wasn’t your fault. You were a child. Therefore, nothing was your fault. So, take your time here. Think deeply to capture every single way the abuse wasn’t your fault.
And in the third step of Preparing to Process, you honor how you survived. Honor all the copying mechanisms and habits. Turn a deaf ear to judgment and lean into self-compassion. Because here’s the thing, you survived! And that, my friend, is a miracle! So, honor how you survived.
Benefits of Preparing
In my own story, as I continued anchoring myself in Jesus, He began to prepare me to process. Meaning, I started to feel more secure, which encouraged me to continue actively pursuing healing from trauma.
And I am believing the same thing for you!
The climate of your heart will begin to shift away from you, against you. You will start to rewire, realizing the abuse was not your fault in any way. You’re pure and innocent.
You’ll begin to untangle from all the guilt and shame, a massive step towards recalibrating your heart. And you’ll gain insight and understanding and even come to honor how you have survived all these years.
Because here’s the thing - so much of what you struggle with today didn’t start with you! They are outcomes from someone else’s choices and actions inflicted upon you. Someone else wrapped grave clothes around you. And now God will untangle you.
My friend, you’re valuable and worth taking the time to recalibrate your heart. Prepare to Process first.
Okay, we’ve talked about Securing Yourself First and Preparing to Process. Next, we’ll cover what it looks like to Process the Trauma.
But before I go...
Dear Jesus, thank you for bringing me this far. Thank you for opening my mind and heart to actively pursuing healing. Thank you for guiding me and revealing a path to take. I’m beginning to believe healing is possible. I’m starting to see a way forward. Please continue to encourage me and guide me. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
From my heart to yours, Sandra